Saturday, August 26, 2006

Bush Kicks Pluto Out of Solar System

Bush’s big astronomy buddies announced this week that Pluto’s planetary status has been officially revoked, and it is no longer welcome in the solar system. Such is the price of dissent in this day and age.

On the bright side, three “dwarf planets” have been admitted into our celestial community – three new additions to Bush’s Galactic Coalition of the Coerced and the Bribed. One can only wonder what kind of deal he struck with all those poor, naive little dwarves. No doubt it involves stealing their oil.

However, I can’t help but question the timing of the whole thing. It’s just a little too coincidental that three whole planets appear out of their cosmic deep freeze now, simultaneously, without any sort of advance warning, and so close to the November elections.

I’m no astronomy expert. The planetarium at Berkeley was closed in violation of local indecency laws, and at Evergreen they simply fed us mushrooms and told us to write down what we saw. But I know enough about the subject to state with 99.9% certainty that heavenly bodies do not just materialize out of thin air for no reason, at least not for an Evangelical peeResident who favors superstition over science. With Bush conveniently off on another one of his alibi-establishing fishing trips, I doubt we’ll be getting any real answers either from him or the dwarves any time soon.



Anonymous said...

The big question is what does Pluto's demotion do to all the ASTROLOGY charts. How does it affect your horoscope? Maybe Pluto will no longer trine with Chiron and the whole Middle east will put down their weapons, it's Bush's secret plan...

Fred Mangels said...

Leonidas writes,"However, I can’t help but question the timing of the whole thing.".

Oh, I see; Always some conspiracy involved. Get it together Leonidas. You know damn well this is all a result of global warming.

ΛΕΟΝΙΔΑΣ said...

You may be on to something here. How about a new tax on gas guzzling SUVs? Excepting of course those belonging to Theresa Heinz and Arianna Huffington.