Sunday, December 31, 2006

Predictions for 2007

Courtesy of Sigmund Carl and Alfred:
In the spirit of the season, we would like to offer up our insightful and correct predictions for 2007:

1) Sex will remain a popular pastime (that is, for everyone but you or your partner).

2) Arab scientists will not be awarded a Nobel Prize [or an olympic medal] in 2007, after losing by a hair to researchers and scientists from 180 other nations. The Arab League is petitioning Stockholm [and the olympic committee] for a new award, Jew Hating. That is the one field in which the Arab world has excelled for decades.

3) Arab world scholars will gather at a conference funded by Mohammed Fayed to declare that Saddam is indeed alive.

4) George Bush will resurrect a high school acting role and appear in a Shakespeare production of Hamlet, as a tree.

5) Not to be outdone, John Kerry will resurrect his high school acting role and appear in a Shakespeare production of Hamlet, reinterpreting the role of Claudius as that of a French, gay, well coiffed, oppressed man who [by the way] served in Vietnam. In this groundbreaking performance, Claudius is shown to love himself more than Gertrude (that bitch).

6) Barack Obama will question why there are so few acting roles written by Shaespeare in medieval times for African American actors. Jesse Jackson will sue.

7) Arnold will not be mistaken as speaking with a British accent.

8) James Brown will cease to ‘feel good.’ In fact, he will cease to feel anything.

9) Dick Cheney will go hunting with an air rifle. Secret Service agents will drop dead ducks from a helicopter.

10) In 2007 Al Gore will try a goatee and monocle. Notwithstanding his efforts, he will again be at a loss as to why he did not secure the Democrat party nomination.

11) Isabella Rossellini will make known her true love, the one dead psychiatrist she finds ‘electrifying.’
Insight and brilliance are wonderful things.

Meanwhile, keep your powder dry and don't fire until you see the whites of their eyes!

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